Say you are with a group of friends, loud friends. Whiney friends. You’re going out for lunch and looking for somewhere to sit in the near-empty restaurant. You spy a girl sat in a dark corner, no shoes, book in hand, fairly unapproachable-looking, enjoying a quiet break with a coffee.

What do you do? Sit somewhere else and leave the poor girl alone, right?

Well apparently this group of girls decided to squeeze into the table next to mine, trampling my discarded shoes, knocking my bag off the chair, and not even having the decency to acknowledge my death stare.

If I’m reading and there are other seats, fuck off. And don’t interrupt me just so you can slag off some girl you know very loudly and discuss in-depth the pros and cons of ponytails.